


I Wanna Die

by firewolfsg



Series: The Nightwing Stripper Assignment [2]
Category: Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-28
Updated: 2009-02-28
Packaged: 2017-11-25 00:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firewolfsg/pseuds/firewolfsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Batman invites three ladies to join Nightwing's case while Dick freaks out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanna Die

While he had approached them separately, Batman observed that his conversations with the three heroines began and ended much in the same way. Though in the case of Black Canary, the protests were continued quite vehemently by Green Arrow.

“Bruce, I can’t believe you have the nerve to ask me something like that?!” was growled in his face with little variation.

His reply had been the same. “It’s a licensed theatre.”

“Whatever! It’s still a strip joint! The very idea of that whole entertainment sector blatantly panders to a man’s basest instincts, is crudely exploitative of woman, obscene, and--” Was said in different ways but the gist of the statements were quite similar.

In any case, he cut them off with the same mission specs. “I’m not asking for your participation in this case as a performer. You’ll be in the audience.”

“That doesn’t sound much bett--”

“The performers are all male.” That pronouncement garnered immediate silence and raised eyebrows from all three women.

“There are places where men strip?” Diana was the only one to ask that. Whereas Selina and Dinah were more interested in the theatre’s alleged licensing. He gave them the same answer.

“It’s a free country and the place is licensed for that kind of performance in the city.”

“Are you--” On later reflection, Bruce had to wonder if he should have felt flattered or wary when he detected a hopeful spark in the eyes of all three women as they tentatively started but never outright finished that question.

“It’s in Bludhaven; Nightwing’s case.”

“Oh.” It frustrated him that all three women responded with much the same tone and gave him equally enigmatic smiles. All three of them! And days later he still didn’t understand what they were thinking of, or meant with that little ‘Oh.’

He didn't know what Queen was making a fuss over. Bruce couldn’t believe any of the women were seriously interested in his son. Selina and Dinah practically watched Dick grow up over the years as first a pre-teen Robin before he took up the identity as Nightwing. And Diana wasn’t a cradle snatcher.

On top of that, he really didn’t understand why his son was so upset with him. After all, Nightwing couldn’t have asked for more solid back up from among the ladies in their select community.

*~*~*~*

It didn’t take a mind reader to know Oliver Queen was majorly upset over the case Batman had invited Black Canary to take part in. He just could not believe the man didn’t recognise the smile Dinah had given him for the suggestion that she would be watching Nightwing strip.

For fuck’s sake, the kid was *infamous* for having the best male ass in their select community. Oliver was just glad Dinah hadn't drooled when she gave her consent to join the mission.

Oliver was sure Dinah knew *he* was upset about the whole idea, but did she politely decline Bruce’s request? Hell no! Dinah even hinted to Oliver about having caught a precious eyeful once and always wanting an opportunity for a longer and more thorough study. It made him fume and she revelled in the situation.

At the end of the day though, Green Arrow was gracious enough to not hold it against Nightwing. After all, the kid had come over to beg *him* to change Dinah’s mind. And Oliver had to feel for the poor guy when they approached her room only to overhear her making massive plans with Oracle for several hen parties with selected ‘bat-cleared’ members of Oracle’s Birds of Prey on the nights Nightwing was due to appear on stage.

His children, Roy, Connor and Mia were to enter the Arrow household to find Nightwing quietly sobbing on his shoulder. Roy immediately dragged his best friend off for a bit of male bonding to try and ease his troubles, leaving a very curious Connor and Mia looking towards their father/guardian for an explanation.

Oliver, however, steadfastly avoided explaining what in their home had traumatised Nightwing so seriously. It was bad enough Dinah showed a facet that lusted after Batman’s son, Queen was damned if he’d let his son or ward join in and pester Dinah into letting them be included in the Nightwing ogling parties.

*~*~*~*

Most of Nightwing’s words were muffled under the pillow he was firmly holding over his face, but Roy thought he could just make out a steady mantra of: “I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die.”

“Robbie, Robbie, Robbie.” Roy tried but failed to pull the pillow off his best friend’s face. “Come on, you’re looking at it all wrong.

“I mean, you’re going to have some of the hottest babes in our community giving you all their steamy eyed attention. That’s got to count for something?”

Dick pulled the pillow off his face to sit up and glare at Roy. “Catwoman, Roy! He asked Catwoman *and* Wonder Woman to watch me strip.”

“So?”

“Roy! Wonder Woman’s Donna’s older *sister* and I’ve known Selina since I was a kid and in pixie boots. What would you say if it was Dinah watching *you* strip?”

Roy winced hard as he got the point. Dinah was practically like a mother to him. And he wasn't sure he was all right about her watching his best bud stripping either. However…

“So *don’t* think about those particular ladies. If I know Dinah, she's probably organising some hen parties, isn't she? So there'll be pah-len-ty of awesome babes ogling your damn fine."

"You're not making this easier!" Dick flopped back on the bed and pulled the pillow on his face again.

"Dick? What are you? Ten? The other boys lied when they said girls have cooties." Roy tried to take the pillow again before his best bud suffocated himself. "Think about the line up at the Birds. There must be some ladies in Bab's team you'd be glad to have ogling, and hope they'll leave you a number too.

"Bab's is sure to--"

"She's already familiar..."

"Huntress--"

"We're acquainted..."

"Barda--"

"Married!" Nightwing sat up to remove the pillow and glared at Arsenal to stop him from running through the roster of Oracle's Birds. "Roy? You’re a pig, you know that?"

"I'm just looking at the bright side." Roy grinned at his distressed friend.

Dick flopped back on the bed and pulled the pillow over his face once more to continue his mantra of: “I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die.”

~End~


End file.
